Last week, my employer, the owner of a very upscale garden center in North Metro Atlanta, gave me several flats of vegetable seedlings to take home. The plants had been too long in their small containers and were pot bound and liable to produce inferior results. Since they were mostly leafy greens and cool weather crops like Brussel sprouts and collards, our recent spate of high 80’s daytime temps made them obsolete before they even had a chance to touch the ground. I would not waste my time and effort planting them in the garden but would not let them go untasted. I have the Chicken Ladies Garden Club right in my own back yard and these are Ladies who live to Lunch. They will slowly gather, chatting amiably about this subject or that, expressing ire with a burst of outrage when some especially pushy old dame decides to muscle her way to the head of the crowd. Barney, the very officious new Maitre d, who dominates by sheer Presence alone, spent his time correcting and guiding the these Red Hat Girls closer to the new Salad Bar. I say Red Hat Girls, of course none of these well-padded females with their matronly waddles really qualify age-wise for admission to this famous group, they are all light years too young, even though their well-modulated speaking voices and sedate conversations would have you believe they are well-seasoned veterans of the luncheon crowd. They do, however, sport lovely red hats, smilingly called “combs”, tilted rakishly over the brow, and the more elaborate the comb, why, the more admired is the possessor. While they milled aimlessly around the Lobby area, casting the occasional eye on the Sun to catch the time, I quickly made my preparations and soon a delicious array of salads appeared just past the Pasta island. Noting impatience in the diners and the rising tone from murmurs to moans and mumbles, I gave the salad bar a last flourish with a low-cal spritz of dressing from the water hose and waved the diners in. Oh, where were the well-behaved ladies now!?! Did they quietly form a line, serving to the left, did they motion their companion to proceed them to the baby spinach and mustards? Did they stand aside to respectfully let the Oldest Member pass to the head of the line? I am sorry to say that they behaved as socially deprived working gals do on Girls Night Out, and at Chippendales at that. With the all the grace of walrus seals, they heaved their over-weight selves to the top of the bar and tables in a shocking display of bad mannered greed. Pushing, shoving, pecking and screeching they fought viciously to gain dominance on the Field of Greens, It was a hockey game going terribly right, every body got a piece of the action. Positions were soon sorted and assigned and as they settled down to the mere voraciousness of 17-year locusts, I backed soundlessly away, afraid to disturb them at their feeding, lest they turn on me and bite the hand that fed them. We can say that after a winter diet, heavy in carbs and rough protiens that the new, lighter salad bar addition was a roaring success and we can expect repeat business through out the Spring season. And of course, a good time was enjoyed by all.
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April 18, 2010 at 4:56 am
holessence
Sandi – You paint a word picture like no other. I absolutely love it! I can just see the salad bar, the “red hats,” Barney the self-important maître d’, and the mad rush to the head of the line! This is a fantastic post — thank you!
Laurie Buchanan
http://holessence.wordpress.com/
April 18, 2010 at 5:00 am
sandiwhite
Laurie, thank you! We actually hosted a Group of the real Red Hats at lunch in the cafe and a similarities were drawn to my attention! I have spent way too much time on this today and now must rush to work. Have a fruitful day of teaching, enjoy them and yourself!
April 18, 2010 at 11:15 am
Snoopykg1
We were on our way to pick up our new dog, OREOZ, and I was rolling on the floor lasughing about this fabulous post, especailly the Chipendale part!
I somehow don’t think Barney would fit the Chipendale part, except inthe eyes of the hens I guess.
I agree Sandi, you do tell a wonderful story. been waiting and it definitly was worth the wait.
Kim
April 20, 2010 at 12:47 pm
sandiwhite
Thank you, Kim, I’m glad to know you enjoyed the story, which , by the way, is true! They had settled down a good bit by the time I got my camera. Before that it was feathers and petticoats flying.
April 18, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Barbara Kass
Sandi — I absolutely must have lunch someday with the Chicken Ladies. I can wear my Red Hat so it will seem like I really belong. What a grand description you created! They are so lucky to have you . . . if they were my chickens, I might make the mistake of cooking one of them up for lunch. But I do know the feeling of wanting to back away from a feeding frenzy. I sometimes get that feeling with the Magic Cat. If I did not keep her well-stocked with nibbles, I have no doubt she would take me down in a heartbeat.
April 20, 2010 at 12:53 pm
sandiwhite
Hey, Barbara, we will find you a step-ladder to perch on when you come to Lunch. I must say they tend to act like savages when they see certain symbols, say, a Pizza Hut box, or a scooped out watermelon rind. Missy fed them for me today and apparently they talked her ear off about my lack of attention. She said the salad bar had been cleaned out. Even Bad Conscience, the cat parks outside the gate to watch when they get their groove on.
April 19, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Snoopykg1
OMG
I just noticed the label—-Fine dining in Metro Atlanta….ROFL…..
Thanks Kim
April 19, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Colleen Lloyd
Hi Sandi, bless you and your Chicken Ladies!! Last night Rick and I were having an after dinner conversation that ended up taking a 90 degree turn to the right and quickly started rolling downhill. Both of us were tired and a bit grumpy…not a good excuse, I know, but it sometimes happens. I had left the room to collect myself, not wanting to say anything that I would regret and sat down at the computer to do some reading. Your Chicken Ladies had me laughing out loud and when Rick finally came in to see what was going on, we ended up having a good laugh together. No more ruffled feathers. Thank you Chicken Ladies. You’re delightful….all of you!!
April 20, 2010 at 3:51 am
Gil
Brilliant, I love your lateral thinking! You are a gifted satirist. Hopefully the ladies dont expect a salad bar every time they see you with trays of seedlings.
April 20, 2010 at 12:55 pm
sandiwhite
Hi, Colleen, sometimes I just go out to stand and watch them, the way other people watch their tropical fish. It is very calming and some times hilarious. Whatever, they have made you smile and that made me smile!
May 17, 2010 at 9:08 am
Snoopykg2
Hi Sandi
Hope you are doing ok.
I would love to go to Atlanta—shopping in downtown Stone Mountain…
Take care
Kim
NEW E-MAIL Snoopykg2@aol.com
May 17, 2010 at 3:57 pm
sandiwhite
Thanks, Kim, I am slowly getting back to myself as opposed to my usual headlong rush. I love shopping in Atlanta when I have the chance, it’s an all day thing, good lunch included! Thanks for the new address. Sandi
July 12, 2010 at 9:03 pm
ntexas99
hi sandi … thanks for visiting my blog … your Red Hat Chicken Ladies tale had me smiling all the way through. Very creative and skillfully told! THe photos of the Ladies Lunching was like sweet apple pie after a good meal.
July 19, 2010 at 3:18 am
jeffstroud
Hey ! Here I was waiting for you to start a blog and you have one already ! Who knew!
I see you have not kept up with it much, but it is a way to stay in touch!
I am Love, Jeff
July 19, 2010 at 4:49 am
sandiwhite
Hi, Nancy, boy, am I ever behind on things! Since I had my heart attack, things have tended to congeal rather than flow…It just takes me a little longer to accomplish things these days. I’m glad you liked the post. I had a great time watching them eat their lunch, and wondered had I been premature in feeding it to them. If it was THAT good, maybe I should have tried it first!
July 19, 2010 at 4:59 am
sandiwhite
Hi, Jeff! Long time since I’ve played the blog game. I looked at the date tis was posted and it was the day I had my heart attack! No wonder it was blown completely out of my mind. I am feeling better these days and am pulling my resources back together to get a firmer grasp on this new reality of mine and how I can use it to my advantage. How is that for looking on the sunny side of life? Thanks for reading, commenting and just being there, love you, Sandi
October 9, 2010 at 11:43 am
ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady
Sandi
I was at a session today and Laurie mentioned what has been happening with you there in Atlanta…..I am so praying for you and know that you are in my thoughts EVERY day…..
::hugs::
October 10, 2010 at 4:32 am
sandiwhite
Hi, Kim, thank you for the encouraging word! When I think about these things that have sprung up to surprise me this year, I am tempted to say “Why me?” I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I am just clearing the decks for further action. The thought that these little physical twitches might have gone unnoticed and ignored is too awful to think about. So when I consider a make-over, it is not my hair color or eyebrows that concern me, it is the working parts that are getting the attention! Thanks again for thinking of me!
October 10, 2010 at 7:15 am
Kimberly Grady
Anytime dear friend….
I am saying the same things lately, as my mom is suffering in the hospital, and if I don’t make changes for myself – will be in the same boat with Atherosclerosis…its in the genes!
Take care and keep me up to date or just to chat, for example – bet it is gorgeous in North Georgia….
January 4, 2011 at 3:20 pm
ButterfliesGalore-Kimberly Grady
OHHHHH How I miss this Blog……Sigh…..
Good Wishes to you
Kim
January 4, 2011 at 4:17 pm
sandiwhite
Kim, what a nice thing to read! I promise the next one I write will be for you. Did you read my article in Grit Magazine ( Jan.-Feb.) edition? It is listed under the unappetizing title, ” Chicken Manure Fertilizes Vegetable Garden.” I would furnish a link but it’s easier to just Google ” Grit Magazine”. Thanks for your vote of confidence and a Happy New Year to you and yours!
April 11, 2012 at 3:58 am
Zen and Genki
I love chickens (and those who describe them so well ;))
July 16, 2012 at 12:00 pm
sandiwhite
Zen and Genki, how good of you to stop by and leave such a nice comment! I appreciate your visit and hope you will come back soon.
July 16, 2012 at 9:31 am
denniscoulter
Sandi, Never been to Chip & Dail’s, but I do enjoy their cartoons. Funny little guys with high squeaky voices. Speaking about animals with talent, when I was about 7 or 8, our family went to Knott’s Berry Farm (my cousin lived in Anaheim). Back then it was a mostly a fried chicken restaurant (shhh! the ladies will hear), a few shops and some farm animals. Anyway, they had this one chicken who could play a little toy upright piano. I spent all my nickels buying her corn, so I could hear her play. Then we went to the restaurant, but being sensitive to the context of your story, I won’t say it out loud. Yep, I love a good chicken story. Yours was delightful. Having been a chicken herder in the past, your words painted a vivid picture in my mind and roused not just a few nostalgic smiles. Thanks! It was fun!
July 16, 2012 at 9:44 am
denniscoulter
Opps, Or is it Chip and Dale’s? Heck Sandi, you know I can’t spell.
July 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm
sandiwhite
Dennis, oh, mercy…I know you haven’t been living under a rock all these years, I just can’t tell if you’re being facetious or not. But I’m going to endure the blush this explanation will bring forth, just to keep the story straight. Chip and Dale are darling little chipmunks bent on fun and destruction, I can testify to that – I have a yard full of them. The Chippendales are a world reknown group ( Think Rockettes here ) of male dancers, stripped down to the bare essentials. Yeah, I’m talking pretty bare here, Just enough clothing remaining for the Ladies (ahem…) who adore them to tuck handfuls of dollar bills into. In other words, they are pretty much sky-clad and believe me, they are hotter’n $3 pistols. The ladies they entertain are unrestrained in their appreciation of their “dancing talents” and make no pretence at decorum. They will climb over each others heads to get the chance to pluck a G-string. Now that I’ve embarrassed us both, just google it!
There is a lady at the Farmer’s Market who brings a little Cochan hen with her every Saturday. She sits in her own little red chair and accepts pats from all. She is a cute little Miss and gets all the snacks and attention she could ever wish for, all chickens are not “dumb clucks”!
Thanks for stopping by, I enjoyed your story!
July 16, 2012 at 1:47 pm
denniscoulter
You are soooo cute. Facetious? Well … maybe a little. After all, I’ve spent the last 30 years working in and around LA,and live two hours from Vegas, and mostly with women. School teachers work under a lot of stress. You’d be surprised to know what kind of things happen in Vegas that don’t stay in Vegas. Of course, my lips are sealed.
July 17, 2012 at 10:55 am
sandiwhite
Dennis, I stand corrected, pardon me. Gee, I really don’t know what all you’ve been up to!